I will finish this resume tonight! No more procrastinating!
Before you know it
Making sense of how everything dwindled away from me in a matter of weeks. This is difficult. I guess I don’t really understand much but I do understand I feel sad. Whether that sadness is because I’m losing a part of what I had and waited so long for again or things are changing again or I’m sad for myself. There’s a lot of mixed up sadness going on up there in my head. And confusion as to what is the right move to make now without causing more hurt. I don’t want there to be hurt anymore. Maybe I’m too nice and don’t look out for myself enough but all I want to do is speak to him. I know that I can, but I don’t know if I’m supposed to. Letting go of something you had that you cherished so much for so long is not something I wish upon anyone, but I guess this happens to many in life unfortunately. It’s difficult to have feelings and like someone and know a relationship is not going to work right now. But with everyday some clarity will come and if I do speak to him maybe there can be some peace.
Thoughts on Materialism
I’ve been having a lot of time lately to think. After multiple sessions of scrolling through Instagram (especially valentine’s week) and the plethora of social media outlets that I barely am a part of. anymore.I began to think about materialism in our society.
Roses, chocolates, watches, jewelry, and cards are some stand-out gifts that occur around valentine’s day. But why? I am a girl so I do love jewelry and appreciate well-made items that are reputable (& fashionable). However, I think they are a superficial gift to give on valentine’s day. I’d much rather like something hand-made with a little message written about me or to me if someone is trying to tell me they love me. I don’t need a Michael Kors watch to signify our love. And for the couples that do that - great! But, I think it’s not necessary. In general, I think Valentine’s Day puts a ridiculous amount of pressure on a couple to express how much they love each other and nothing about that screams love! Love shouldn’t be pressured or forced. I just think Valentine’s Day should be a day to celebrate love - and all kinds of it. Your family members, your boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, pet, teacher, boss, co-workers, or neighbor. I hate the commercial side of something that is meant to be so special and unforced. Let love speak for itself instead of cramming chocolates an fine jewelry in its mouth, please!
Besides Valentine’s Day though, I’ve been trying to curb my appetite to over-indulge in gifts to myself. I’ve been eye-ing certain perfumes & watches that I meant to buy near christmas time but I procrastinated. They are semi-large purchases for me and I’m attempting to find the best deal! Like I said, I enjoy shopping and good pieces for the right reasons & time. It still astounds me how many people showed off their jewelry collections after the 14th. I think flowers are nice and aren’t an over-the-top break the bank kind of gift for such a dumb “holiday’. Luckily my boyfriend combined chocolate and flowers and I got a taste of both. Sweet and thoughtful.
Anyways, I’m going to try to keep track of a topic I think about lately and maybe post in here. Can’t say it will be every week, but hopefully I will get the urge to write and it will become more often.
xx shay
My New Obsessions
So, this post is going to be highly materialistic. Which I hate. But I’ve kind of waited a long time for the thing I’m going to post about that it’s justified {at least that’s how I sleep at night knowing how much money I spent - how much did I spend anyways?!…#panic}
Anyways, I got an iPhone 5.
I KNOW. Typical. But for me, I was kind of expecting to settle and not be that thrilled with it, despite its ‘prettiness’ factor. However, I’ve owned it since Saturday {It’s Monday night} and I love it..still. It’s fast, the perfect size screen for my small, child-like hands, and everything is right where I want it with no fuss. I’m definitely a convert. I was using the Droid Incredible upon getting this, enough said. But, all in all. I love this phone and don’t want to put it down! {I hardly have!}
Next, I ordered a purse about 10 days ago after seeing it in Macy’s and falling in love I went online to find it more reasonable. $40 cheaper - I ordered it! I had been looking for awhile for a purse that was everything I wanted. I was tired of buying really cheap purses that break, aren’t really what I want, and end up sitting on my floor or some random closet. I ended up seeing this one it had a tote style look to it with a longer strap if I wan to throw it over my shoulders as a side bag. PERFECT. To top it off, and the selling point for me, the inside material pattern. I was sold. I love a good beachy style, infused california cool look. Even though I’ve never been to California {would love to go!} I’ve always been fascinated with the west coast and the beachy styles that come out of it. Needless to say, I knew it was the one. Here’s a picture of it before I gush more. Inside & out.
Can I Stop?
Can I just stop being in a shitty, cranky, bitchy mood right now. lol
I hate when I’m aware of how terrible of a mood I’m in and nothing seems to help it, especially when I’m alone & its nighttime. Hello, perfect time and setting to go insane. I’m just annoyed and feeling very on edge like nothing can soothe me. It’s very uncomfortable actually.
I mostly feel bad for people who try to talk to me and I give them a short, trite answer for no apparent reason, or no actual good reason. Gah, some times you have to hate yourself I suppose. As long as the times that you love yourself outweigh the hateful ones then maybe you are doing something right.
All I can hope for is to be better tomorrow. And by ‘be better’ I mean, I hope I get a grip on my emotions so that I stop letting my mood be affected by them.
Thanks for listening Tumblr, I really needed you.
P.S. I haven’t posted in like a year. My B. TTYS <3 Shay
